Big community funding update! What are the rules of long-distance, we-met-online relationships when they transition into real life? October 8, 6: About a year ago, I met a guy online and we've become pretty close friends recently.
He's not a creep and in fact a pretty decent guy that is really compatible with me and what I want out of life. Neither Meeting someone you met online long distance us was looking for anything romantic at all when we became close. A couple months ago, he admitted to a crush on me and recently, I'm starting to like him too.
We live on opposite coasts, and while I'm not in a position financially to constantly travel, he is. We talk both online and on the phone and can carry on pretty lengthy conversations. Now, he's invited me at his expense to spend a weekend with him in a couple of months. Advice about the potential danger of this isn't needed; I'm confident that my personal safety wouldn't be in jeopardy, and would take all precautions to make sure my family knows exactly where I'll be and when I'll be back, etc.
So, given he's not an axe murderer, I'm looking forward to spending a weekend with a cool guy and possibly pursuing something So, the real question is: He "Meeting someone you met online long distance" wants to be romantic and go on dates, but I'm a big believer in your first time being special, and I would feel like a jerk somehow especially if a relationship just isn't in the cards for us. He insists it won't be a big deal and he won't get more attached just because it's his first time, but I know I felt the same way before my first time too and was mistaken.
I guess I'm just confused about how to proceed here. I really like him and if he lived down the street I'd have no problem waiting until he was comfortable. I guess the expense and distance involved makes me wonder if it's okay to put a rush on things. Is waiting for a second visit a better option here?
Is being a virgin even a big deal at all anymore? I was a dumb teenager when I lost mine and it was a huge deal, but is it different in your 20s?
These days you don't invite someone you've explicitly expressed interest in to a romantic getaway weekend because you want to play a lot of shuffleboard. I'm a big believer in your first time being special That seems oddly old fashioned to me, but even so: Who is to say this wouldn't be special for him? What you've described, if it works out, seems pretty special to me. But have you even met this guy yet?
Do you know what he looks like? Does he know what you look like? Chemistry in person is not the same as chemistry online and sometimes people who dazzle you online just don't click when you meet, so "if it works out" is a rather open question. He insists it won't be a big deal and he won't get more attached just because it's his first time LIAR. I suppose he's not exactly lying, but if he's a virgin he has no idea what he's talking about.
Yeah, I made that number up but honestly, he likes you, wants to pursue you romantically, and wants to get laid. What else is he going to say? I did the lower budget version of this, over the past two years, with my current boyfriend. And there really are no rules. However, a few tips: Nobody owes the other person sex. We handled this by talking frankly about it to make it clear neither would be pressured into the act the first time we met in the flesh. On the other hand you can always just ask if he suits you.
Looks like you have this covered. However if he can afford to fly you to him, in the terrible sexist world of potential rape, it's better if he takes a hotel in your location, as it makes getting away from the terminally awkward or scary easier. In my case I discovered my boyfriend was smoking hot instead of tolerable very, very unphotogenicand smelled nice. He discovered I was clumsy and probably a few things tact restrains him from saying. There are always things that don't travel over the phone lines.
Sometimes you're just unique enough it takes a mail order partner to satisfy you. Sometimes you have a social affliction, or lead an isolated life. Maybe your work schedule doesn't allow finding the right person. It's generally accepted that sex forms a man's first motive in mate seeking, but in my experience the pursuit of women is often a hope for human connection or an attempt to define the self in relation to achieving a marker of value.
Especially if he's not saying 'And I'll bring extra condoms!!! If you don't see this as feasible, going along with this now could mean emotional suffering later. It really all depends on your initial reactions to one another when you get off the plane.
Chances are good if there is even the most remote of a spark, you'll have sex. Also, the whole into-you-cling-factor is pretty much magnified by about 95 since he is a virgin, unless he is a virgin just because he hasn't gotten around to "finding the one" or "making it special" - because if he has hung onto his virginity for so long, chances are good that there was a reason and he'll put a lot of stock into your "relations.
Mid's deflowering lead to extremely, extremely clingy and weird sexual guilt on my part. Oh, and as for the flying-across-the-country? If I'm traveling more than 30 miles, there will be sex. Stay in a hotel, not with him. That way, you
Meeting someone you met online long distance both privacy and a safe place to go if he turns out not to be all you hoped he would be. Tell him ahead of time that you won't be having sex.
You can always change Meeting someone you met online long distance mind after a date or two if you want to, but this way, the pressure will be off. Don't have sex with him on the first or second date just because you arrived at the date by plane. And if he pressures you at all or hints that he doesn't want to see you after you've taken sex off the table, you'll know that he's in it for sex, not love. Phalene makes some excellent points. I met my wife online and she was 12 hours away from me.