I just look for someone I connect with and hope that we are both on the same page. So how do I answer the question in a way that helps me filter out the jerks and time wasters whilst still keeping my options open? So, what if you used this question as a way to fantasize about the kind of person you are attracted to and compatible with rather than to define the of relationship you want esp.
You are physically and verbally demonstrative. You think a good evening would be scouting out a grocery store and making an ambitious recipe together.
You are passionate…about something. I get really bored with weeks of messaging back and forth, IMs, etc. How bad could it be? Married guys, step off.
It is our destiny. Not to marry, necessarily, but to go on some dates with.
Other dudes read that and thought: What are you into? Speaking of weeding out tools, I also had full-body profile photos and language in the profile about being fat:. What if you were honest and How to answer are you hookup someone your dates what you told us? There is no right answer, only your answer. In some ways if that scared some folks off, awesome.
So much of online dating is weeding out incompatible folks, so this was a great step. It may be worth noting that I was in my late 30s, so I can understand that may be VERY different coming from someone early 20s.
Be with people who make you feel safe and happy and I think your relationship goals will become clear over time.
To be honest, I think this LW might be overthinking the question. I had the same thought. The same timeline, basically, that a person would need to bring up having kids or something else that would be a personal dealbreaker.
It took me far too long to start dropping the f-bomb feminism in my profile. It acts as a deterrent for "How to answer are you hookup someone" who are a bad fit, and an advertisement to those who are a great fit. Of all the myriad filters I used to select potential dates, that was the simplest and most effective.
They love me well and they love me HARD. So why would I expect any less from a guy I to date? So I put that stuff in my profile. So take that paragraph where you state — very clearly! I already knew I liked you because this blog is awesome, but that section from your profile is top-notch. The Ayn Rand thing is key.
Or, as my husband told me last weekend: I really respect that! Marrying someone who saw it as a flaw to overcome would have been a recipe for disaster.
"How to answer are you hookup someone" Currently dating someone I love dearly but who finds some of my quirks frustrating. I was the introvert in that particular situation once or twice, and… yeah. I loved that he calmed me down, he loved that I brought excitement into his life. I find the idea of appealing to a wide variety of people exhausting before I even begin.
I sort of thought that this was the entire point of profiles on dating sites, and especially those compatibility quizzes where one can identify acceptable responses as with OKCupid. I find it baffling. Some of them are going to use that profile to represent themselves really well and see who messages.
Some are going to use the profile to attract as general a range of potential dates as possible. Perhaps their goals are different. Perhaps their methods are the ones that work for them.
If their way is one that you find pointless or bland or repugnant, clearly they are not the person for you, and that is okay. Because not everything is for you. Rejoice in the fact that you have discovered that people who use OKC are not for you. When I was on OKCupid years ago they were definitely playing both sides of this.
Ayn Rand was a firm pass for me, too. It worked out well. Found my husband online — he was wonderfully open and honest about himself and his message showed he read my profile, had zero entitlement re: I could still swoon over how respectful and nice that message was. I cannot overstate how empowering it can be to put your basic wants and needs out there and be as specific as possible even talking to the person — as Kat G says, it will really help you deter the people who are a bad fit and draw in those who are a great fit.
I feel closest to people who reciprocate enthusiastically when I express physical and verbal affection. On our first date, he was also very disconcertingly explicit but not pushy!
I think two things make me feel more secure when reaching out to people I think might be a good fit:. Hopefully there are some who can; the good thing is that I really only need to find one of them! I always wondered if it was an extremely lazy version of negging. I rejected a dude once and he responded by calling me fat. I was like…the worst thing you can say about me is the truth? Starting dating again in my early 30s following a divorce and need all the good advice I can get! When my first relationship ended after going a decade plus, flipping what was missing led to a list for me with items like wants to spend time with me in public, respects my knowledge of myself, wants to make out with me, compatible worldviews, and so on.
Sass and I have exactly all of those books on our shelves right now, am I about to get internet broken up with by CA?!? I definitely agree with the Captain about her dating philosophy. My friends who read my profile before I met my husband were fond of telling me that my profile was too sharp and exclusionary.
I wanted to meet the right person. I got a lot fewer messages after that but one of them was the right one, so. Similar people I know ended up with generic mansplainer, mediocre white guy and the most boring man alive. Cookie cutters are for cookies. I have yet to see what the problem is with being exclusionary though. There are other people who would be better suited to specific qualities or hobbies — find them. So now I care: No dudes more than three inches taller than myself.
Call me when the patriarchy is smashed. I met my husband online but in that time before all of the dating sites broke through. We literally met in an AOL chatroom remember those? I used to sit in a chat room and watch the scrolling conversation go by for sheer entertainment value.
This was common, but I used to throw off the guys who were interested in me by asking them to answer weird ass questions if you were a color, what color would you be and why?
To all 23 questions I came up with. He thought that I was interesting and we met two days later. Please and thank you, I have a mortgage to How to answer are you hookup someone. Thank you to everyone who has written a comment and of course to our wonderful CA, for her "How to answer are you hookup someone" point advice!
More power to us all!! Man this is such good advice. Thank you for asking it! Captain, that is the best answer ever. My advice is to not spend a lot of time perfecting your profile. Let it be fluid, your real voice and your authentic self, even if that means god forbid! When you have time to peruse the site, spend it looking at profiles and messaging people YOU find interesting. Gotsta have the feels for my partners. Physical holes were being filled, not emotional ones, and damn did I want something real.
I learned to identify this as a sign that they were just out to fuck around because to a T, they would always be the ones to space out on dates or ghost post-sex. By virtue of that question these men became The Unworthy.
I thought there was something I was doing to prompt it, and so I thought I could do something to change it. I would have been far better off had I spent that time doing stuff that makes me happy or really just. The Unworthy is why I could never stand to do online dating in the first place. It almost made me want to fill out one myself except uh, see above. Also, I was only on it for a short period of time because I wound up clicking with the first dude I How to answer are you hookup someone went out with.
They figure a lot of people on online dating sites are just looking for hookups. If somebody asks you this it's a lose-lose situation if you answer seriously at all. I once spent too long casually dating someone I not-so-casually liked.