In our happy-face addicted culture, we carry a strong taboo around talking about difficult feelings, and nowhere is this more apparent than with a wedding and everything that surrounds it.
From the moment of the proposal through the honeymoon, you're expected to fly high on the wings of blissful, unblemished ecstasy. And if your reality is anything less than that, you're told that something is wrong.
Getting married is one of the most tumultuous transitions we endure as humans. As with all transitions, it's nothing short of a death experience, meaning that the old identity of being single needs Anxiety getting married be shed in order for the new one to take root in healthy soil.
For this to happen, we need to allow room for the difficult feelings that arise in the face of loss. We allow for grief and fear around life transitions like moving or even having a baby, but when it comes to the wedding the slightest whisper of anxiety is met with horror.
When women and men arrive on my virtual doorstep after absorbing the cultural message that their stressful engagements are signs that they're making a mistake, they breathe an enormous sign of relief to learn otherwise. The sadness Anxiety getting married sometimes Anxiety getting married that accompanies a proposal comes as a great surprise, for these feelings are in diametric opposition to how we're Anxiety getting married we're "supposed" to feel.
I was the one pushing the proposal. But within a few hours of him popping the question, I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I couldn't stop crying! "Anxiety getting married" we say yes to one person we say no to a million other possibilities and pathways.
For many people, the proposal initiates their saying goodbye to and grieving the life they're leaving behind. Just as a caterpillar cannot become a butterfly without completely shedding its identity as a caterpillar, in order to grow into the new lifestyle and identity as a married person, you must shed the old identity as single.
Because this clashes with our cultural message of happy happy happywhen the sense of loss and death hit an engaged person, the automatic response is to assume something is wrong.
Once again, nothing is wrong. Turning into bridezilla is a sign that you're feeling out-of-control inside. Our culture will encourage you to project all of your anxiety, doubt, sadness, and overwhelm onto the Anxiety getting married. This sends you the implicit message that if you plan the perfect wedding, you will bypass any out-of-control feelings within you.
You can't bypass these feelings. You can avoid them by staying successfully busy for the duration of the planning, but eventually, when you're lying on a beach in Hawaii, they will come crashing over you.