I was talking to a man the other day. But, he is injured. It happens all the time. Marriages are made of two very different, imperfect people. Plus, we often injure most those we love the most. My friend is newly married. He even recognizes his reaction as a defense mechanism.
Rather than start a fight, he withdraws. I was proud of him for being humble enough to ask if this was normal in a marriage. I should be clear. This is a counseling blog.
And, this couple needs counseling. Even though I have a degree in counseling, this is simply a blog where I want to help people. Because, those issues impact us all. Which led me to this post — addressing the ways wives injure their husbands — without even knowing it.
I realize this works both ways. As a man, I feel most prepared to address this side of the issue. Put him down in front of other people — Most men will not counter this type of humiliation in public — if ever. They will simply take it — and hurt. Go behind him when he tries to do something at home — When you always show him how much better you can do things than he can do them, his ego is injured.
And, again — never accomplishes what you think it will. In fact, it injures him with the opposite result. Not really, but when you accuse him that he always does — sadly, it only helps build him into a man that always will. Subtly, just be in a bad mood towards him — without releasing him from guilt.
He will take the hint and own the responsibility. He wants to be a provider. Refuse to appreciate the things he feels he does well. It could be work, a hobby or a trait, but he feels part of his identity in the things he does. We can be fragile people. Some more than others. And, some seasons more than others. Understanding these issues and addressing them — with a third party if necessary — build healthier, stronger and happier people and marriages.
I understand some women, especially the equally or more wounded women, are going to take offense to this post. As I said, I aim to help. If you are guilty of any of these, the response is up to you. If not, well, thanks for reading to this point in the post anyway. For a similar post, click HERE. I used this post in a message I preached on marriage. You can view it HERE. Also, I wrote a parenting version of this post about ways parents injure a child.
Reading all these comments make "Mike kelley badgers wife sexual dysfunction" me realize my situation is not unique at all. I try SO hard it hurts. I never have any time for myself, ever. Her mood controls the temperature in our home.
Well since many women like to cheat these days which certainly has a lot to do with it. When I first married I was a sweet and very happy girl. The only time he will be nice is when he want sex and right after go back to his own self.
It make me feel like and idiot and used. Everytime I wanted to talk he will ignore my feelings, will not take responsibility and even use foul language…always feeling attacked even if I was talking about how lonely I felt.
Little by little my love died…now he comes to me and I Mike kelley badgers wife sexual dysfunction say I really do not care what he has to say to do. I feel better alone. I pretend I listened but if he were to ask I will not know one word of what he said.
I will not deny sex but is one more to do in my list. I am so angry and resentful with him for killing my good heart. I know many can say that love in a choice and you can still love him. This is to let people know that many times you guys also hurt our feelings. However I think that toxic relationship should not be prolonged and that there is always a chance to find a better companion.
Amazing all those points hits me hard as a Hmong Husband. Try to tell her, but she think as being a man I am supposed to handle it like all men should. Also clashes a lot with hmong culture whereas we are Men and we should never express anything, but cars and fishing or hunting.
Ron, Thank you so much for your article. My husband and I are heading down the divorce path due from so many different things. But you are right, and no matter what we can not be an emotional abuser also. I knew my spouse had a temper and was warned to not antagonize him, etc.
My mother told me a long time ago that I bring out the worst in him. After 3 children it should make us closer. I caught him probably being unfaithful will never know same home early from work and found his cargo shorts on floor with ladies undergarment in pocket not mine or daughters I was too mentally drained feom orher things happening as t that time my spine surgery, hip revision, destructive austitic son, work load heavy at work to leave him. I have bad habit of talking b as d about him in front of kids and also making him feel like a loser when I discuss stuff not in private.
I recently found a hollow pen in his work bag with powder all inside of it. Twice in 6 months found a hollow pen in house and not my youngsters. He lied Mike kelley badgers wife sexual dysfunction me cos kids heard it all.
Then i bring up how he ruined my credit and stole from my credit card paychecksince we disnt have a bank account job deposited my 2 week check into a debit card.
Well did I learn lesson, to check balance everyday, print out statements, etc.