You meet someone, they ask you out, you enjoy yourself, you continue talking and spending time together, and feel the attraction and desire for a relationship building as the dates continue.
Or they try to get the fringe benefits without the relationship. It means that you might still be in touch with them, a reunion may still be under negotiation, and that you may be putting a lot of effort in to not making contact or swatting off their efforts. It means thoughts popping into your head when you least expect them that you may feel like you have no control over.
It means crying unexpectedly or feeling a sudden surge of anger or a deep wave of sadness. I feel so rejected! I just need some more time to show them! While not being over your ex means press your eject button, you might recognise this, you might not. You can relate to their situation without becoming them and making their situation about you. Genuine empathy allows you to be real. Genuine compassion for someone in a difficult situation does not always boil down to doing the easy thing, especially if you doing that, is more about keeping you in your own comfort zone — you may do more harm than good, including to yourself.
This then helps to form action points or the basis for asking important questions to clarify their position, which then can help you "Dating a man hung up on his ex" healthy decisions in reality. Check out my book and ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl in my bookshop.
Thank you so much for your blog! You have helped me so much! Sadly, I discovered that I am the unavailable one, since it is the one thing that all of my exes said about me and most of them, also had as Dating a man hung up on his ex issue. I am seeing a therapist in two weeks time and really, I got the courage to call also thanks to your posts.
I want to have a good relationships and I really would love to have some kids in my future. Right now, I have been dating someone who really wants to be with me and work around his and my issues, but I am too scared that his are too big…his ex, which he had been dating for years, died just two years ago as they were about to make a commitment to each other.
So this post nails it. He really acts like he wants to be with me and I am scared even though he struggles, but I am not Florence Nightingaling anymore, thanks to you. My priority right now is to be happy with myself. This guy would just be the bonus! Thanks for your wisdom, Natalie! You cannot start imagine how much you helped me. Ok, this is a new one on me.
I recently started dating a man whose wife died a year ago. But, his good qualities are VERY good honest, caring, sweet, intelligent etc. So what do I do with this? Remain friends and wait it out and still remain single and opened to whatever comes along? That to me was a red flag.
Having said that, maybe you should think about genuinely just having him as a friend, and let go of any fantasies about a relationship. Are you really okay with only having a friendship, or are you hoping that this man will heal and then want a relationship with you? But, even if he does wake upand wants to proceed with you and you alone as a date, then you have to make the judgment call: Am I ready if he decides he is not later on? My guy is really depressed, which surely also has to do with his ex passing away, but not only.
I can so understand the fear of opening up again after something so traumatic. Good for you, that you opted out! I feel that one can wait for a good man. Cookie, Ivy I think there is a danger of seeing this wrong. We think that because he is hurting for a good reason a death that we should wait for him to get better.
They fly off to someone else leaving you wondering where your reward is. I totally agree Grace. The next relationship this guy will have will be a transitionary one, the one he uses to get over the hurt before the next serious Dating a man hung up on his ex.
Not intentionally i hasten to add. Just in time, as always, NML!