Sometimes the question is data-based, about what transmission statistics are real. Sometimes the question is esoteric, about whether or not he truly knew this woman in the first place.
Why on Earth would I knowingly choose to put myself in danger like that? Is she worth it? Does your dick get hard around her? The facts on herpes are actually quite clear when you do research online: Although individual symptoms depend on your overall health and the strain you carry, for many folks herpes is an uncomfortable initial outbreak and mild recurrences, if any.
How did my partners after my diagnosis make the decision of whether or not to sleep with me? Sure, they did some Googling. One talked to his doctor about how it might impact an existing condition he had.
But mostly they looked at me, and thought about the fun, challenging conversations we had, and remembered how gorgeous my thick hair is. In the past I have made room for the discomfort of strangers who do not want to date someone with an STI.
I am afraid of being that ranting feminist with herpes who seems to think herpes is great. Hah hah, herpes is disgusting and hilarious. What a slutty joke. Feminists these days, am I right? At the end of the day, STI stigma is The girl im dating has herpes form of prejudice.
To you it may seem reasonable, a matter of self-preservation. But to us, it is dehumanizing. But in asking me this question, an actual person with herpes, you are shaming and insulting me in the name of needing help deciding. Yeah, you read that again.
If you are not willing to brave the risk of getting herpes, you are not worth my time. If my STI is a deal breaker for you, your ignorance and cowardice is a deal breaker for me. One of the most romantic moments of my life was when an old partner told me that I had so thoroughly de-stigmatized herpes for him that he saw contracting from me as an inevitability he chose, rather than a nightmare I should have panic attacks over and although I continued to have said panic attacks, I never did transmit to him.
A true partner, a true best friend, accepts all of you. They do not barter or keep score, or make a pros and cons list when it comes to asking you on a third date. Hi Ella, Thank you for your vulnerability on here.
I truly appreciate it. I had such a horrible experience this week. InI was told by a doctor in an email versus a result ugh that I had been exposed to herpes 2 not verbatim I had it.
I was with a long term partner. I recently began dating again after 7 years and did the whole sti panel with this partner. He and I touched one another naked, made out, with some saliva exchange
The girl im dating has herpes. I then went on to gain more clarity with a doctor that it means i have it.
I was in disbelief and angry. I turned that hate at situation inward and got really depressed and luckily have a great social support group and amazing therapist. He and I have since talked and came to more closure which I am so thankful he was open to. I just may not have gotten the closure and would need to forgive myself for an honest mistake. I wish I remembered and told him when kissing: I have a lot of anger at doctors for not being explicit and towards myself for my ignorance.
I mean obviously your story speaks to it. When we are kissing? This process is so new to me so any support and guidance is appreciated. Thanks for sharing your story and inspiring me to do the same.
I hope this can be healing.
Your story has really impacted me for the better The girl im dating has herpes my shame is slowly diminishing. This was a good, interesting and funny read. Ella, So beautifully well written. I have Herpes 2 and am currently dealing with shame around it. Just gotta say fuck it and move on then! At a point I stopped divulging my situation until I was sure I could trust my partner with my humiliating reality. I was always careful, never sex when I get that tingling, had to lie on my menses sooo many times.
Someone just broke up with me after 5months of dating. We moved kinda fast but I knew him from my past and thought it was safe to tell him right away. I had already had sex with him when I told him about my condition.
He stayed for a few months but eventually left, said he fell in love with me before I told him. I get his position. We just have to be strong and patient. My heart is with you. This is the kind of hyperbole we should check them on for the sake of being factual and not allowing ourselves to be demeaned. I really admire you…We need more voices more people to speak about Herpes honestly and openly.
Do you have any more blogs? Thank you a million times over for being the voice we all have, but feel too stigmatized to use. The world needs more people like you. I just met a beautiful, amazing girl that makes me truly happy but "The girl im dating has herpes" shared she contacted herpes as a kid, HSV Your blog reinforce my decision.